10 Nigerian Celebs Who Would Fare Better In Other Professions
Governor Ayo Fayose! Chai! If you replace some of Fayose’s actions and speeches with that of an okada rider, you won’t see any difference. The master of stomach infrastructure himself, Governor Fayose sure knows how to tickle the people of Ekiti. From very base verbal abuses and attacks to some of the most ridiculous campaign materials during the last Presidential elections, Mr Fayose, looks to me like he was a butcher in his first coming. No finesse, no respect for protocol no decorum....just like a Danfo driver that he was. Broda Eleran, se ike eran wa?
Governor Rochas Okorocha is to the Igbos, especially the people of Imo State, what Fayose is to the people of Ekiti and Yorubas. You just sometimes ask yourself how God created them but then you’ll also remember that God that created Abel also created Cain. Governor Okorocha is a proof that there’s not much diffeence between APC and PDP… Governor Rochas Okorocha would make a very good stand up comic. Oh, he also smokes perfect corn, I think that suites him better but there's more money in comedy. Ask Alibaba. Each time PDP people criticise Fayose they should sha remember they also have a rochas. My people my people!
Burna Boy! Here’s another candidate for a chai! Over grown baby. Wannabe bad boy. Aspiring music star, yes, he’s still aspiring honestly and the earlier he starts looking for a second job the better for him. Did I say look for a second job? When local government elections are around the corner? Burna Boy will be a damn good political thug. Imagine the likes of “Oluomo” and “Osanle” and you’ll get the gist. Has he paid that his producer yet?
Olamide! Olamide’s only rival as far as babalawo (native doctor/herbalist) job is concerned will be 9ice but we chose Olamide pending when 9Ice will go and apologise to his ex-wife may be that will make him find fame again. For now, he’ll do well to look for local gigs at paraga joints in Ibadan. Ok, back to Olamide. If you speak Yoruba well then you’ll know that someone that drops some of Olamide’s kind of lines won’t find it difficult cramming the Ifa corpus. Babawa Olamide oya emaa wipe Eji-Ogbe. Ọyeku-Meji, Iwori-Meji, Odi-Meji, Irosun-Meji, Ọwanrin-Meji, Ọbara-Meji, Ọkanran-Meji, Ogunda-Meji, Ọsa-Meji, Ika-Meji, Oturupon-Meji, Otura-Meji, Irete-Maji, Ọse-Meji , Ofu meji. Ale lole nio je a gbo poro poro odo; ile losu ni o je a gbo woyo woyo konkoso, afaimo, ko mo awo ma sun lebi…afaimoooo, komo awo ma sun lebi afa I mo.. Now, if you don’t speak Yoruba, don’t bother, you might just start seeing masquerades Eji ogbe a gbe yin o.
9ice: Did I just say masquerade in that last post? Ok, 9Ice sha wants to slip in at all costs. Since music isn’t really coming 9Ice’s way these days, we think he’ll do well to team up with Alhaji Lai Mohammed to start a masquerading career. We can imagine his masquerade name being “Alejotulaasi”, (compulsory visitor). 9ice will be Alaagba general for all masquerades worldwide and since he wants to have many wives, his wives will follow him around with canes. Aji sebi Oyo laari, Oyo osebi baba eni Kankan (laye atijo)
Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmm. Flavour is one artiste who can never go hungry. If the worst happens, he will sell his assets. Yes, assets. Do you guys think asset disposal is the exclusive preserve of the Assets Management Company of Nigeria? Or those Allen Avenue kind of girls? Flavour, our own Nabania crooner can never go hungry. He’ll live comfortably well as a male stripper. In fact, we think he’s already practicing his moves, per adventure… Let someone please rig a pole in the middle of this office and let the show start. The babes are drooling already. Ara dara ada, adago Ife bara aba, abago Uwu nwaanyi, a na-mighari Ha egburu gba go, Ha egburu gba da. Baby baby fire dey go All the boys don kolo And they want some kporokotokpotomkpom She come dey piompiompiompiompiom…
Ogbeni Rauf Aregbesola used to be one of the people we respect in politics. Yes, used to. Until he had the opportunity of practicing what he preaches then bungled it big time. See, it’s very easy to stay in the sidelines and criticize every move of government until you are given a chance and what you do is spend billions buying $30 worth of 3rd grade Chinese made tablets and call it opon Imo. Don’t also owe civil servants salaries only to use their money to buy food for their children at school. Let them decide how to spend their money. Aregbesola thinks governance is magic, he has seen that it’s not. In another life, he might come back as a magician to complete his assignment. Ogbeni, socialism and Marxism is dead everywhere in the world. Pele.
Chidinma! That sweet sixteen looking Project Fame winner is doing well in her music but once in a while one wonders if she’s really cut out for the craze in the industry. Dear Miss Kelekele, abeg consider the convent if you come back to the world. You are too sweet for the “I want to belong” struggles of your industry. And please run away from Phyno Fino!!!! Me sef no do kele kele love o…
Reverend Father Timi Dakolo, I beg you in the name of all that’s good. Don’t stop doing good music. Don’t be tempted to start all that pangolo things that guys mix in 20 minutes and turn into “hit singles”. You are a gentleman. If Nigerians fail to value your voice please become a reverend father. Or a Pastor. You will survive off tithe and offerings. Amen? Amen! In the ministry, there's enough money to make you continue singing...Iyawo mi! Ololufe mi, olomi alayo mi, I will love you forever!
Mehn! The turari and candle that they gave Michael from the church of Holy Michael of the Eternal Sacred Order of Kerubim and Seraphim (apologies to Fela) works wonders. Wonderful producer. DBanj’s ex-talisman. Mafiosi no 1. He was obviously a mafia don in his former life. John Gotti's got nothing on you bro. I love as you ingrained yourself well enough into your productions that you became the most known producer in Nigeria. P Diddy’s got nothing on you too. You are the only authentic music mafia don in Nigeria. But bros, abeg help Teebillz o, hunger won't be a nice thing for that bro. Everyone deserves a second chance. Ndo. It’s Don Jazzy again! Also, when will you forgive Bros DBanj abeg. His stash of cash is gradually being depleted o.